LA scouting report

My scouting journey ended on Wednesday night as I hopped on the red-eye back to Michigan. I've been a zombie since, so bear with me.

I'll get this part over with. No job yet, no place to live. 

After spending three full weeks in LA and having no tangible changes to my situation other than a full e-mail outbox and intriguingly long fingernails (packing oversight), I'm holding out and calling the trip a success.

I'll tell you 5 things that happened which I'm excited about.

In no particular order (besides ascending in importance).

5.  Smart & Funny Girls want to make Smart & Funny Things

79% of my time in LA was spent at Starbucks. And probably 96% of my bank account.

During a coffee-fueled rampage one afternoon, I was trying to educate myself in the world of online news. After spending 4 minutes reading the LA times I found myself on Twitter. I've always appreciated the humor of smart and funny girls and, and in the past few months, have been in awe by the talents of a few of my friends. So, to take advantage of their wit (AND BECAUSE I'M SO THOROUGH AND CONSISTENT WITH MY ONLINE PRESENCE), I decided that we need to make comedy/advice/girl-produced website. Not Hellogiggles, though. Don't get me started.

So, I contacted three of the smartest and funniest girls that I know and we're in the works of putting something together. STAY TUNED.

4. Grown-Up Partying

After getting together with the Not So Scary Man's Daughter (who also took his advice and moved here 5 years ago) she's been helping me with the job/housing search. My second Saturday in LA, she invited me to a party with grown-ups.

To say I was a little nervous about going to this party would be like saying my mom is a little nervous about me moving to California. AKA it's a gross understatement.

BUT, I went and the party turned out to be the most awesome thing ever. If only I'd had a little less pride and took pictures, I could have captured how grown-up the party actually was.

It was American Flag themed: as you can see, the decorations were off-the-hook. And don't even get me started on the food. American Flag cake pops, Buffalo Chicken Dip that made me want to eat nothing else ever again, AND a S'more bar. (you put marshmallows on these cute little kabob sticks and roast them over these tiny decorative flames inset in a rock display). All the while, I was surrounded by established, put-together, Los Angelens who have real-person jobs in the industry.

I made a lot of great connections, listened in horror a story about shrooms, nodded nonchalantly at names I didn't recognize, ate 17 cake pops, and didn't even spill on myself.

The girl who hosted the party is having another one in December, so I won't be doing anything but anticipating it from now until then.

3. Getting the Ball Rolling

I've been palling around with a teammate's sister who is in the same boat as me (except she's employed and not a general disaster). On Saturday, Lexi introduced me to a bunch of people she graduated from film school with. A lot of them are near our age and freshly moved to LA. We got to talking and, miraculously, they like the idea of a rap music video that Klare and I wrote back in February. We'd planned on shooting it in Lansing but never our act together. But now that I'm in the land of opportunity, we're going to make it happen!!
So, during breaks in the job/housing search, Klare and I have been e-meeting to work on rap rewrites.
After the wedding this weekend, we'll meet with our music extraordinaire to lay down some sick beats and put us on course to shoot it in LA late August.

2. The Luckiest Break

I had the fortunate privilege of meeting with a writer who graduated from MSU and has seen a lot of success in the industry the past 15 years. We had coffee my first week in LA and he gave me a lot of straight-forward, genuinely helpful advice. He's bee encouraging me to take improv classes, something I've been interested in for a while, and has been helping me figure out the whole job thing. At the end of our convo he offered for me to keep sending him my work so he can give me feedback/help my writing fully form and that he'll eventually pass my work on to his agent. So, yes, I haven't slept since then.

1. Finding the Meaning of My Life

(this wouldn't be a blog post about my life if it didn't include extreme at least one irrationally bold statement)
After a lot of digging into research about improv in LA, I discovered there are a lot of great training grounds for comedy. (go figure) In true fashion, one club stood out the most because they require an audition in order to get into a more elite program. The curriculum is designed for professional actors buuuuut auditions are free so I obv signed up. (I took a life-guarding class to learn how to swim, so at least this ignorant overcommitment can't result in drowning)

The Groundlings is known as a breeding ground for SNL stars, so I was giddy with excitement to see a show. The theater was really cozy and sold-out with an audience ready and willing to laugh. The performers were animated, genuine and believable. Even with all that, it was the all-encompassing sense of community that the theater provided which solidified that I want to be a part of it.

Sorry, that got sappy and weird. I actually took notes about all that I felt while there and will spare you the psychotic-sounding details.

So, for now, I'm really jazzed about what lies ahead, because it's really, really cool.

The Adventures of Couch

So, I started writing this a week ago and am picking it back up now. We'll see how it turns out.

I'll give the sparknotes version of my first week.

My First Friday: I spent 2 hours packing and unpacking my bag to nervously avoid making phone calls. I'd like to point out how much I regret nicknaming the producer who convinced me to move "The Scary Man". It's a lot harder to cold call someone when you have them in your phone as Scary Man.

He is really a nice man. I called and left him a nice little shaky-voice message after three failed attempts. (I learned you can press 1 to re-record). Somehow he understood me enough to call back later on. He actually laughed when I told him that I'd listened to him and has since done a lot to help me get started out here.

Periodically between my other phone-calls, I'd take breaks to swim with Milkshake.

This is just an excuse to put in pictures of Milkshake

After all the scary stuff, I had my first weekend in Cali!

On Saturday, we had breakfast in a really cute diner in North Hollywood. The walls were covered in  cool old photographs of actors but I didn't take any pictures because I felt awkward.

That night, we went to see a movie in the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.

It's a really weird and kinda cool concept. A lot of stars are buried in this cemetery so we got to enjoy their stunning on-screen performances while their bodies rotted just feet away.

I'm as nervous as I look.

Mason's friends are all really cool and have truly been troopers putting up with my debilitating shyness.

On Sunday, they took me to the beach!

As soon as we got there, we were informed that there was a save in-progress. Apparently, two young girls climbed up the side of the cliff and got stuck about 50 feet up.

Apparently the only people less capable to get down from a precipice than those two girls were their rescuers.

It took them an hour and a half to finally lower the girls to safety.

In the process, we got to witness the attempted save from a chopper. They chopper save failed but it was a lot of fun to watch. If you look on the left you can see the man hanging from the chopper and our two little adventurers stuck on the mountain. #beachentertainment

 

After all that was over we went back to seeing other cool things like sea lions and dolphins.

Two of the kids we were hanging with are from Colorado so they took me on a barefoot climbing adventure. We got to see some tide pools, touch anemone and see gigantic starfish. It was awesome.

The next day I got wheels!!

I ran to enterprise then sweated in their lobby for an hour. 

After that, I really hit this town by storm.

In the midst of exploring I drove halfway up a mountain then cruised down going 60 in neutral. It was really, really thrilling. But these runs are gonna suck.

 

Oh okay, cool.

Lastly, here's a pic of my home these past few weeks, hence, the nickname "Couch".

Despite not knowing my actual name, the guys I'm staying with are really cool.

I'll update the past week of adventuring in a bit. For now, Couch is out.

A little of topic in this context, but supports my newest priority: "Do not read, as children do, to amuse yourself, or like the ambitious, for the porpoise of instruction. No, read in order to live." -Gustave Flaubert

LA: Days 1 & 2

On Wednesday, I awoke at 4:30 in Lake Orion to begin my journey west. After an eventful ride to the airport with my dad and sister, I arrived at DTW 20 minutes before my flight took off. Thankfully, the kind woman working security could tell that I was at puke-level panic and she let me scramble through a separate metal detector.

I made my way to the terminal in my socks and stopped to breathe a sigh of relief because they'd just begun to board. 

An account of being poor, I'd been assigned a middle seat. Luckily for me, a couple was put in my row so they offered I take the window in order to sit together. The woman gave me a hang-loose sign and said "Right on" when I complied which I think is note-worthy.

Hey look, a picture from a plane.

After four hours of not speaking aloud, I landed in Vegas!

I won $1.25 on the slots then promptly lost $4.

Aaaand then I saw this.

 Fantastic.

After tweeting 6.2 million times and talking to the fam, I'd finally had enough social interaction to will myself back onto a plane.

An hour later, I arrived at LAX!

A mean woman gave me directions and then this.

(I should've asked her for 15 more 

because I loved every response to the comment contest) 

So, completely by coincidence, Katie, Liana and Brian happened to be flying through LAX the same day on their way to Australia. I decided to wait around for them to meet up before departing. It was this decision that ultimately led me to be at LAX for 9 hours. 

And that was my first day in LA.

 It actually worked out pretty cool because the LAX international departures terminal has a sweet set-up. I ended up chatting with an older businessman, Sammy, for 2 hours while charging our phones. I didn't take a picture of him because I'm learning what boundaries are. But this is the chair he sat in so do your best to imagine him.

Sammy is a really nice man and has done a lot in his life. He speaks 7 languages and tried, unsuccessfully, to teach me Chinese phrases.  We talked about his daughters, one of whom is a producer for ABC and he ended up giving me her number. So that was cool.

 About an hour and half into our conversation he told me about a time he was kidnapped in Mexico. I'm pretty positive my mouth hung open for the duration of his story. 

Apparently, a group of guys grabbed him off of the streets and held him hostage for four days in order to travel around and cash checks in his name. They beat him up and pulled out some of his teeth. He told me he was lucky to be alive and I realized I should probably stop asking questions because being kidnapped is a horrible thing to recount.

 Miraculously, he's a really positive guy and seems to be handling things well. I'm really glad to have met him. 

After Sammy left to go pick up his daughter I wandered around and became more and more delusional and exhausted. Thankfully, my friends arrived right when I was getting myself stuck in a convo with a man and his unkempt soul patch so I really dodged a bullet there.

Jazzed.

I stuck around to have dinner with them before saying goodbye as they headed off to Australia (read about their adventures here: Lianakatiebriandownunder). Afterwards, I went to wait in the underground land of LAX for my shuttle.

By the time I was in the shuttle I'd been awake for 21 hours and was really close to ceasing to function.

After a 45 minute trip I finally arrived at my friend's place in Panorama City (or Shitty as it's called) (we'll get to that). 

My safety wasn't much of a concern, however, because I a pit-bull literally slept on top of me. You can not get more safe than that. 

Her name is Milkshake and she is the best.

Day 2

I woke up and decided to sit in the dark living room and look at Panorama City crime statistics for 2 hours.

 Don't ever do that.

The only thing that prevents me from carrying Milkshake with me everywhere I go is a lesson I learned two summers ago when I went through a phase of Wikipediang serial killers.

We don't need to get too much into it, but for some reason I researched all of the gruesome details of American serial killers and didn't run alone for a month. 

Now, I'm infinitely wiser than that Allie I rationalized that just because I read the crime statistics it doesn't mean I will automatically get murdered. (BUT DON'T WORRY I'M STILL RUNNING WITH PEPPER SPRAY, MOM)

After becoming brave and taking a shower, I spent the day talking with the guys in the house, e-mailing people about jobs and googling more stuff about housing. Around 3:00 I remembered what eating was and walked a block to the nearest grocery store.

The place is called "Seafood Market Superstore" but I in actuality is just a hodgepodge of asian stuff.

So you get a sense, this is the noodle aisle NOT the oriental aisle:

 

 Oh look, eggs:

Just in case you ever happened to buy a seedless watermelon:

By some stroke of luck, I found a few grocery items I was famliar with and made my way back home.

 Unfortunately, a pipe burst in the house I'm staying at so their kitchen is inoperable. 

Lol.

So, for dinner I just threw together a PB, honey, and carrot sandwich.

E-mail me if ya want the recipe

In my defense, this was my only option at Little Asia for jelly:

I'm really tired and a little overwhelmed by the search but each day more and more things are coming together for me. So, I'll keep on it and keep you guys posted.

Sorry this one isn't very funny or enjoyable to read. 

Oh well.

"We should not look back unless it is to derive useful lessons from past errors, and for the porpoise of profiting by dearly bought experience. " -George Washington

Observation #1: Succesful people respond

In preparation for my trip to LA, I learned my first lesson about people in LA. It's this: Successful people respond to e-mails. Promptly.

During the past two weeks of frantic networking, I've contacted 16 people that live out in the area and are involved with the industry. They range from unemployed student and consistently employed grip to accomplished "deep voice guy", locations manager and director. Plus, there's a ton of in-between.

Here's what I've noticed: the most accomplished people respond first and most consistently.
The individuals that I'd put in the category of "Successful, real-life adults" each responded to my emails within five hours.

And these guys are busy! One has written a musical that was made into a movie. The movie came out on Friday. I e-mailed him on Sunday. He e-mailed me back 2 hours later.

Sidenote: Rock of Ages is hilarious.

Now, you know these people aren't responding because they can somehow benefit from connecting with me. If anything, I've done a great job making it clear to them that I am a disaster. But, they reply. And their replies are fantastic. They offer advice, one offered his couch, and all of them offer to meet up with me once I'm there. They are really trying to help.

I have a hard time diagnosing precisely why the individuals who are 8 million times busier than myself are better at responding to my e-mails than I am to theirs.

As a rule, I am terrible at responding. To e-mails, text messages, really any form of communication.  In thinking about it, I realized that I'm overwhelmed by communication. It's much easier to check something and decide that it can be handled later than it is to sit down and tackle it right-away. These guys, on the other hand, knock stuff out instantly. And it's no coincidence that they have this attitude and have accomplished some really great things.

If you've listened to me in my past posts you know that you should never listen to me. I've done a thorough job getting across the fact that my life is a scattered shitshow. So, I'm not writing this to give advice. I guess I'm just letting you all know, starting now, I've realized that it's important for me to be better at responding to e-mails (texts, phone calls). So, I'm going to be. And you guys can hold me to it.

The people I've contacted are helping me out so much and I'm infinitely grateful. I hope it's only a short matter of time before I can help out the future disasters.

"The porpoise of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others. " -Albert Schweitzer

Advice from smart people

In the past few weeks I discovered these and find myself coming back to them.

I think they are relevant and valuable to anyone who is starting something new.
Which is everyone.

Check them out, yo.

 "Make Good Art"

Neil Gaiman

This is just plain amazing and completely worth every second to watch.

----------

"You Are Not Special"

David Mccullough Jr.

 

I think this guy might really hate himself but he makes some good points. If you can stick with it until the 8 minute mark, it's worth it.

----------

"The Opposite of Loneliness"

Marina Keegan

She offers an outstanding perspective while addressing the sincerest fears a lot of us have about graduation.

Keegan: The Opposite of Loneliness

"Any idea, plan, or porpoise may be placed in the mind through repetition of thought." -Napolean Hill

Farewell, EL

 Oh, the home of the 2004-2005 Second Team Academic All State Girls Ski-Team. 

Living, biking, playing, stumbling, sleeping, pokey-stix eating, dancing, tandeming, blading and running on the streets of East Lansing, I experienced so much these past four years. 

I ran the streets wearing only buns; dressed as an avatar creature; in an eighties sweat suit; covered in poison ivy; with my friends; alone; carrying a turkey sandwich; after eating a donut; while eating a banana.

I ran in the woods; in the stadium; through skywalks; over tractor tires; under signs; through the children's garden; the hobo trail; the arbs; jenison track; the river trail; THE LAVA TRAIL; backyards; frontyards; backyard sidewalks.

 
Mid-run pit stops included buying sunscreen, Rockying up the capitol steps, drinking a slurpee, getting a free hug, depositing cash, peeing, doing more than just peeing then wiping with poision ivy, drinking water at TA's, petting her dogs, bonging a beer, jumping in a pool, laying on my back panting, tying my shoes.

All the while, laughing, parcouring, complaining, learning, and sweating. 

Blah, blah, blah verb vomit, sorry. Don't even get me started on my time spent not running.

The past four weeks that I spent here were probably way too much fun and made it even harder to leave. (hopefully I get my shit together enough to write about them and can put a convenient link here).

On Sunday, I finished the painfully slow process of moving out my life. The careful twitter/instagram follower/chosen text receiver knows by now that I'm not currently in Chicago.

That ticket wasn't exactly my best $20 investment.

This, on the other hand, was.

Now, I be moving to LA.

 Liana's reaction is pretty on-point.

He did. And, after talking with my parents, friends, dental hygentist, neighbor, and everybody else who is alive, I realized it's what I really need to do. Probably of equal importance, it's what I really want to do.

I am currently in Lake Orion memorizing my AAA map and desperately piecing together a plan. It looks like I'm going to follow the same couch-surfing/exploring plan as Chicago. It'll just be ten degrees warmer and a lot closer to the ocean. 

The ticket is a bit more expensive, though, so let's hope this one sticks.

It isn't even fun anymore to list how unprepared I am because it's too easy. But I'll tell you this: I haven't been on a plane since age 7 when we flew to DC for a mathletes' competition. I wasn't even a mathlete. I was a helper. 

Regardless, on Wednesday, June 20th I will hop off the plane at LAX with my dreams and no cardigan because it is summer and f'ing hot.

I'm going to take a shuttle up to Panorama City and stay with a friend from high school for a little while. I'm hoping I can piece together a place to stay for the two weeks after that (things will work out because they have to). 

I'm going to spend my time there looking for jobs, finding roommates, a place to live, scoping out the improv scene and experimenting with the hardest of drugs. 

After three weeks, I fly back for my brother's wedding. The day after he gets married, my dad and I will drive all of my belongings west 2,000 miles. At least the blog posts will be enjoyable.

This doesn't really fit, therefore it's perfect:  

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the porpoise. " -George Carlin

****COMMENT CONTEST OMG******

Nobody leaves comments, so I'm changing that. Whoever posts the best EL running memory that I've forgotten will get a postcard from me professing how much I love and appreciate you. You don't even have to write a full story. Just a sentence is all I ask.
Deadline is one week from today, people.

Living With A Porpoise

By the way, my friend Emily is an amazing artist.

This was a graduation present and it's perfect.

As soon as she starts selling work online, I will post a link and you will go there and buy everything.

Oh, and obvi: "The great and glorious masterpiece of man is knowing how to living with a porpoise" -Montaigne

I recommend my friends.

I HAVEN'T WRITTEN THIS YET BECAUSE I SUUUUUCK.

How The Scary Man changed my life in 8 minutes

Since I'm young and ignorant, I decided to e-mail the guy who wrote Wanted.

Michael Brandt is a really nice, down-to-earth guy who co-wrote and also directed The Double.  It was filmed in Detroit in 2010 and I worked as a PA in the production office. There's no way he remembers me. But I have the crew list and clearly no boundaries.

His show, Chicago Fire, was recently picked up by NBC. Perfect, right?!

He e-mailed me back the next day (nice, down-to-earth guy) and cc'd the e-mail address of the show's producer. I was beyond excited. I imdb'd the producer to check him out. I saw that he produced 190 episodes of Law & Order: Criminal Intent. I took a deep breath and decided I should probably update my resume.
While sitting on the futon with Klare,

Klare.

my phone rang.

 I jumped up and banged every part of my Allie in the process of getting over to it.

The scariest voice I've ever heard said, "Is this Allie?"
I said "uh-huh" because I was scared and am not articulate.
"This is the producer for Chicago Fire".

His IMDB didn't have a pic but this I think this is him.

(Intro shaky voice Allie)
We talked for about a minute about MSU's program and then he said:

"Why the fuck are you moving to Chicago?"(expletive included) (sorry Mom)

I  quickly responded by opening and closing my mouth six times while lightly breathing into the phone.
This man did not beat around the bush. He said that if I really want to "make it" I need to go to LA. I brought up the homeless point and he didn't buy it. After enduring 8 solid minutes of verbal abuse from this powerful stranger I hung up, a little confused, excited, scared, nervous, hopeful and probably hungry.

I'm not sure what I'll do yet. He made some really good points. I'm going home for a night tomorrow and we'll see what Lisa thinks. If anyone can outweigh Scary Man it's Scary Mom. We'll see.

But hey, look at this:"Efforts and courage are not enough without porpoise and direction."-John F. Kennedy

Two days at the pleasant mount

 First and foremost, this girl rocks:

Her performance was one of the many incredible things I had the pleasure of seeing during the 2012 Michigan Summer Olympic Games this past week. 

Okay, so back-tracking real quick: Thursday evening Kyle told me about an opportunity to work with an up-and-coming video company, The RUSH.  I jumped at the chance (IDK if you've heard, I'm looking for work).

The Rush (TheRUSH.com) is a Michigan-made start up that uses a really unique program. Basically, they film sporting events (often for High Schools) and invented this technology that records separate snippets (highlights) of the game. It then tags the players' names and the clips are uploaded to the web. Anyone can log into the site (free!), search an athlete's name and voila, see a list of their video highlights. I think it's going to totally revolutionize college athletic recruitment. Pretty exciting stuff happening here in MI.

You can also get the videos sent to your phone. Like instant replay. It's amazing.

While working there, I met Kyle's cousin, Adam. He's only 17 but seems to have about 25 years worth of maturity and perspective. Our first conversation consisted of dissecting the ways in which school systems perpetuate social injustice. I did a lot of listening.

Obviously, he's a pretty cool kid.

After a long day, we headed to a really cool coffee place. The ceiling was covered with coffee bean bags which I was really jazzed about. While there, I engaged in my newest favorite hobby: job searching.

Obviously, my newest favorite hobby is actually instagramming.

This trip could've been categorized as an internship or job shadow for my upcoming career in the field of homelessness. We didn't have a for-sure place to stay, so we wandered into the dorms and found some pretty comfortable couches. Adam and I quickly fell asleep.

I woke up a while later to find a very helpful note from Kyle. He explained that he'd left us to go to a pizza party in a nearby building and that he'd be back in 1 - 1.5 hours. No directions, no time of departure. We were left with two dead phones and nearly no pride.
Thankfully, he'd had the time and consideration to take pics.

Vulnerability at its finest

After somehow surviving our public slumber, we headed to a friend's apartment. There, the three of us shared a lot of laughs and a little bed. With barely any sleep, we got up the next day to do it all again.

Lake Orion Vid Kids reunited

It was fantastic to be around some of the most hardworking and positive athletes I've seen. I got more high-fives than I often do in a year. It was a great two days.

 I hate to do this again, but it fits pretty well. "Our prime porpoise in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them." -Dalia Lama

Journey Added to Basket

While in Lake Orion, I met up with my friend Kyle to work on some trip planning.

Obviously you cannot plan a trip to Chicago anywhere besides Starbucks.

Kyle is a great friend and probably a terrible influence. He's spent most of his college years beebopping around the world and engaging in adventures cataclysmically more daring than I.
Before this caffeine fueled meeting I'd gone back-and-forth about whether to take this journey alone or recruit another interested adventurer. A muffin and an hour of enduring undercutting witty remarks about the pursuit of my suppressed dreams later, I knew I had to do it alone.

Here's a short list of things I've never done:

-Hailed a taxi

-Taken a train alone

-Made it to the bus stop on time

-Seen a hostel

-Seen the movie "Hostel"

-Said "The L" outloud

Two days ago I wikipediad Chicago.

Such a cool button.

Yesterday I booked a MegaBus ticket. Last night I did the math and realized I'm going to be there for 17 days until I plan on moving into a residence of my own.

 But, we're getting ahead of ourselves.

After meeting with Kyle, my brother Nate and I went to the bank so I could deposit all the money I could find. Dad, if you're reading this, I may have taken the quarters out of the cupholders in your car. I'm sorry. And Thanks.

Nate and I sat down with a wonderful banker to cash in the savings bonds my grandparents bought when I was little. She was young, friendly and must've had really low social standards because she was very much entertained by Nate and I. We probably could've gotten the transaction done in twelve minutes. We were there for an hour and fifteen.

After a while, the bank manager, another woman in her thirties, wandered over to watch me mess up my password seven times. It was quite a crew. The four of us laughed and chatted about everything from Chili's to childbirth. One of us pleaded desperately for the bank manager's brother to let her nanny his kids in Chicago. Needless to say, we all got to know each other pretty well.

Banker and I talked about the best years of our lives. I gave it some real thought before confidently deciding my college years were the best so far. (Probably comes as a surprise because, if you know me, you know I peaked 8th grade). Banker told me that her best years would have been college but she ended up getting pregnant and lived in the dark, cave-like conditions of Burcham Hills Apartments. She'd wake up covered in welts from wolf spiders who lived in the walls.

Quick tip to help you fall asleep: picture this and remember it probably lives in your house!

Somehow amongst the chatter about scary things that can happen to you, I was able to articulate the thesis of my new outlook:

Everything will work out. Because it has to.

Ideally, I'll come out of this with a job and great apartment. But, when it comes down to it, all I really need for this short while is to be behind a locked door at night and not starving. That much, I can manage.
I have a place figured out for the first few days I'm there. Three down, fourteen to go! So, if you know anyone that would let me stay with them, message me, or comment, e-mail, hell I have an iPhone now so do whatever. Instagram it.

I'm going to go grovel for jobs.

Until next time, remember: "The porpoise of our lives is to be happy." -Dalai Lama

PS. Wow, I just quoted the Dalai Lama. This is such a blog now.

I Quit.

For some unknown reason I recently agreed to put my four year (approx $43,000) education to use by life-guarding at an inner-city beach.

(Note: I didn't take this picture. I don't know these people. I hope they don't see this.)

Don't let the serene picture fool you, devout reader. This place is fifty-one shades of gray.

For context, to keep busy today I played a game called "See how long it takes to spot a tattoo". The longest it took was Two Miss-iss-ipp.
As a challenge, I upped it to "See how long it takes to spot a tattoo of someone's face". Three Miss-iss.

Need more? I asked a toddler where his parents were. "His mom's not here and his dad's in prison 'cause he's a bad boy."
Oh.
By some stroke of genius, I put in my notice and am, at long last, free to move to Chicago and pursue my dream of "making it" in the film industry. I have nearly no understanding or familiarity with the city, am unemployed and don't quite have a place to live. But I'm blogging about it so it's guaranteed to work, right?

I'm applying like crazy the next two weeks and packing up my life in EL. After a pit-stop in Lake Orion in mid-June, I'll head to Chi-town (see I know a nickname at least) where I hope to couch surf for two weeks. The goal?  Officially become a Chicagoian (not completely sure if that's a thing) by July 1st.

If you've made it this far.
1. You are somewhat interested in my life: I'd like to Thank You. I often have mediocre follow-through when it comes to anything requiring follow-through, but I hope I don't let you down.
2. You are a very thorough possible employer who found this on my resume: I actually have great follow-through. And my only weakness is I care too much.
3. You are a detective and I am missing: Hopefully this gives you some sort of trail regarding my whereabouts. Knowing me, it probably isn't helpful. Good Luck.

Feel free to enjoy this musical interlude to make the next part even cheesier.

No matter what brought you here, I'm glad you stayed. Keep reading if you want. Hopefully it will get interesting. I'm about to embark on the most exciting weeks of my life and am thrilled to share it.

Here's a quote, just for you.
"To forget one's porpoise is the commonest form of stupidity. " -Friedrich Nietzsche

Test.

This is a test.